Deadly Dissonance (Excerpt)

by Patricia Brine

“I can’t think of a holiday I’d enjoy less.” Molly didn’t like pouring sand on the fire of Brian ’s enthusiasm, but this was too much. “Water in quantities greater than an Olympic-size swimming pool makes me nervous. I would not be comfortable. In fact, I would spend my entire time in a safety jacket.”

“Life jacket, Molly .” Brian ’s jaw was set. “And I’ve already paid the deposit.” He forked another portion of leftovers into his mouth.

“I don’t even approve of cruises. The word ‘cruise’ brings up visions of empty-headed people intent on partying their days and nights away, trying to impress everyone else with garments they probably paid too much for, people rushing around from activity to activity led by over-enthusiastic cheerleader-type social directors trying to whip everyone up into a frenzy so they’ll think they’re having fun while doing boring exercises or playing silly games.” Molly paused to take a deep breath. “And anyway, ships terrify me. The thought of going out in the ocean on a ship makes me quiver in fear. I am never going on a cruise. Period.” Molly went to the fridge to get a glass of milk for Brian . “And don’t tell me I’m showing my prejudices because I already know I am.”

Brian accepted the full glass and drank it down before replying.

“In the first place, this is not a ship,” he began in his best instructor’s voice. “It is a boat. Boats are flat-bottomed and can go through more shallow waters than ships. Ships have a V-shaped keel, or bottom if you prefer. Ships do ply the Mississippi River from New Orleans to Baton Rouge, but the steamboat—paddle wheeler—I want us to spend a week on is a small boat of considerable historical interest. It carries no more than one hundred and seventy passengers and I suspect you can wear anything your little heart desires, as you would anyway. Also, you don’t have to do anything but sit on deck and read books if that’s what you want to do, periodically descending to the dining room to be fed. As you sit on deck, you will always be in sight of land.

“For heaven’s sake, Molly , this is a riverboat, not an oceangoing ship,” Brian continued, beginning to sound exasperated. “You don’t even have to call it a cruise if the name upsets you. Why not think instead of that old song, ‘Cruising down the River on a Sunday Afternoon,’ and be cheerful and enthusiastic? I could even serenade you in the evenings.” Brian broke off a piece of garlic bread and chewed slowly as he watched Molly trying to decide how to react.

“Heaven forbid. I didn’t think you were the romantic type,” she eventually replied, shuddering.

“I’m not, but I’m going on this cruise with or without you, and I’d like you to be with me—as a sort of pre-honeymoon honeymoon just in case you decide you’ll marry me.”

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Deadly Dissonance (Excerpt)